Holman's Movie Review.com

Movie Title: Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)
Spoilers: No

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Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief comes from a novel by Rick Riordan. Chris Columbus, the director of several Harry Potters, directed the movie. While both series' are aimed at building stories about ancient times, magic, and myth for young audiences, the two are not in competition. The Potter audience wants to become more intimate with the characters and the story, but with Percy, it's about the action and pacing - and believe it or not - the educational value.

It's been ten years, and a generation has grown up with Potter and the gang. They love everything and everyone to do with Potter. They've come to idolize them (while jerks like me just make obscene remarks from the sidelines about Hermiones Granger).

The telltale difference with Percy Jackson fans is that they tend to favor lightheartedness and bookoos of action over a prolonged story with more sentimentally significant figures. And so it is that a fan not happy with the one will probably like the other (if they like either).

My higher marks go to Jackson. The characters are likable with just a few moments of a glance. You like everyone. No one was miscast and the frequent breaks into adolescent humor are not intolerable. That's a big plus! It's possible to be funny, or in the absence of being funny, just animated. That the bulk of us can live with.

Everyone here - and not just the star-loaded cast - works. Everyone on the set absolutely loves the parts they play, and it shows (it always shows). They are confident that they are the stars of the show or else needful helpers to let the stars shine. That is in order if a movie is to succeed.

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) thought he was an ordinary kid, with worsening ADHD and dyslexia. But then he discovers that his brain was meant to read ancient Greek, and his (capital F-ather) is Poseidon (Kevin McKidd), god of the seas. Poseidon, together with Zeus (Sean Bean) and Hades (Steve Coogan), were the "big time" gods. All the others were considered subordinate to them, shuffled around the pantheon with time and local conquerings.

It's a big revelation to learn that you are a demigod, like Hercules and Perseus, and that your professor of mythology doesn't believe in mythology. Jackson's professor (Pierce Brosnan) knows it to be real and is himself the centaur, Chiron. Yes, a centaur. My big question then becomes, is it the case that a civilized centaur can't wipe after...you know? But maybe it's just me wondering that.

But suddenly, Percy is swept into a world where sword fights and the coolest of epic old-time battles actually happen on the training grounds for the gods and their offspring. Percy comes to notice and take a liking to Annabeth, daughter of Athena, the goddess of war and strategy. But this training is for a reason. Percy finds himself to be of eminent importance.

A young Jackson learns that the gods he has been studying about in school and have been relegated to the realm of unimportance in everyday life are in fact real. That's a big revelation. And then he learns that Zeus thinks him to be the lightening thief. Yes, gods can be stolen from and often forget things because they leave them lying around just like humans do…even very important things, like freaking lightening bolts that are of indescribable power.

Percy finds himself on the receiving end of the wrath of the highest god, and a war is fixing to break out that would level civilization. And Uma Thurman plays a totally creepy but irresistible Medusa! Had to throw that last bit in there.

The plot exemplifies what is wrong with all religion—it has holes in whatever form it is found. But who the flip cares because you can't analyze religion anyway. It's not to be taken seriously, but is just serious enough to be soaked up by the young who are looking for adventure and/or need direction. Or, in the case of the gullible and weak-minded, religion is learned to give their lives meaning. Whether it's Zeus or Jesus, they serve the same purpose for humans by supplying the ingredients for fun or the means to build a working life philosophy.

As with most of the movie, the themes of death and hell are dealt with ever so flippantly. The pain and misery of seeing burning, hungry souls should be terrifying, but you're not supposed to think about it, not for long. Just see the grim elements as momentary justifications for everything that is going on.

The silliness of the plot has to be intentional. If you're a god, Mt. Olympus can be reached from the empire state building. Hollywood puts you literally right at death's (Hadeas') doorstep (not just metaphorically like your pastor says when he condemns Harry Potter and the like as satanic). Little shoes with wings half the size of a feather enable you to fly atop the highest clouds.

Precious stones for teleportation have been left in a Parthenon replica in Nashville, Tennessee for who knows how long, and no one has stolen them or knows of their power. Worse yet, Percy's mother lives with a smelly fat man to keep the smell of divinity of her demigod son away from the noses of the gods who might find him and harm him. Sounds too corny to dignify by watching, and maybe it is.

Religion, like all mythology, has holes. Religion is stupid and the holes can't be filled in. Why not find suspend skepticism and find some humor in those ridiculous things if you're one to think about them? But that last bit about the smelly fat man IS grounds to decide not to watch the movie. I wouldn't blame you.

The gods are the gods...selfish and shot with human frailties (since we created them). They lose things and they knock up earth women and have offspring by them. They become family men for a while and then neglect their heavenly duties. So, the king of the gods makes a ruling that divides families—no gods can live with or interact with their demi-sons or daughters. Call it heavenly red tape. Gods have rules. Gods are dicks.

PJ is quite a show-off, a well-stirred mix of creativity, action, and low-grade humor for a youthful crowd. It boasts great special affects and extravagant action...and damnit, it's informative!

When things drift from being about alleged myths that are found to be facts based on Greek gods and their creepy hideouts, everything that is said is either shallow or a juvenile attempt at humor. The story and the execution of it may speak to the imagination, but the characters are never handled seriously enough to keep the adults occupied.

I'd still take this over Harry Potter any day.

(JH)

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Grade: C+ (2 ½ stars)
Rated: PG (for scenes of peril and dangerous encounters)
Director: Chris Columbus
Summary: A teenager discovers he's the descendant of a Greek god and sets out on an adventure to settle an on-going battle between the gods.
Starring: Logan Lerman "Percy Jackson," Brandon T. Jackson "Grover," Alexandra Daddario "Annabeth," Jake Abel "Luke," Sean Bean "Zeus," Pierce Brosnan "Mr. Brunner / Chiron," Steve Coogan "Hades," Rosario Dawson "Persephone," Melina Kanakaredes "Athena," Catherine Keener "Sally Jackson," Kevin McKidd "Poseidon," Uma Thurman "Medusa"
Genre: Adventure / Action / Fantasy
Trailer

Movie Title: Extraordinary Measures (2010)
Spoilers: No

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Harrison Ford and Brendan Frasier play a biomedical researcher and a businessman in Extraordinary Measures. Based on the emotionally moving true story, a sharp Harvard Business School graduate (Frasier) finds two of his children on death's door due to a fatal genetic condition called Pompe disease. He travels to meet a brilliant scientist on the verge of a potential cure (Ford) in hopes of saving their lives against all odds.

The film is based on a true story, but for more than one reason. The Crowley family and those families that came together in struggle against the devastation of the disease are only half of the story. The other half is the monotonous meetings, the draining discussions, the tiring scientific minutia and finance details that had to be hashed out before a life-saving drug could ever have a chance at emerging.

The potential profitability for collecting on the sick and the dying who will pay to receive treatment to (hopefully) save their lives and the lives of their loved ones had to be in order before a drop of serum could exist. It costs a lot to live, and it costs a hell of a lot more to stay alive—more so for the unfortunate among us. Life is only good for you if YOU are good for IT...and if you have money. Hey, don’t hit me—I’m just the messenger!  

And that's what Extraordinary Measures is about. It's about one determined and talented businessman making sacrifices and dedicating a huge chunk of his life – not to mention risking the financial well-being of his family – to raising money so that teams of scientists could work to bring to clinical trial a drug that can save lives. It’s the money that determines who lives and who dies. Only strangers to the drug industry are unaware of that fact.

Ford is Dr. Robert Stonehill, an eccentric scientist, a genius way ahead of his colleagues in the field of Pompe disease research. He loves loud classic rock music, and he's hard to get along with, not by any stretch of thought a team player. He doesn't make friends easily and sees nearly everyone as a money-hungry competitor seeking to infringe on the freedoms of his research.

Ford’s is just distracted enough of a character to make an impression, but he missed the mark in owning his character, though not by much. The truth has already been fudged by making the real-life Asian doctor into the Caucasian Robert Stonehill, so why not “hippie-fy” Ford a little for the part? Maybe give him some distance between himself and the refined white man characters he so often plays? Put on some Danzig shirts when not in the lab and throw in some oddball non-conformist political views with even more social hang-ups, and this could have gone further.

As grumpy and as kickative as the Stonehill character is, he'll be a sight to see when in his twilight years at some place like Waterford Assisted Living Community. With always a preoccupied and distant stare, Stonehill will drive a wedge in any good conversation by saying at the drop of a hat: “Don’t interrupt me.” But I remember Hahn Solo having a disagreeable side to him in a similar way. It is not Ford, however, but Frasier who does the better job here.

Frasier, as John Crowley, with wife Aileen (Keri Russell), both fit the bill. You nearly forget those shameful days of “The Mummy” and that Frazier was probably the most annoying class clown ever. Frasier’s face says it all, except here where his acting gets a well deserved “thumbs up.”

His children, Megan and Patrick (Meredith Droeger, Diego Velazquez) are typical on-screen child presences, which is to say, they were made primarily with the intention of tugging at your heartstrings than they were to win over audiences on the merits of their acting or part contributions.

Based on the book “The Cure” by Geeta Anand, there is something to be said for Extraordinary Measures. It is not a scintilla less than a potent tearjerker, but it isn't much more than that either, and that happens to be the film's only besetting flaw; it is never distinguished from a Plain Jane, made-for-TV movie that would consume two hours out of a boring night at the conclusion of a humdrum weekend.

(JH)

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Grade: C+ (2 ½ stars) 
Rated: PG (for dramatic exchanges and situations)
Director: Tom Vaughan
Summary: John and Aileen Crowley work with a scientist to find a in efforts to find a cure for their two children's rare genetic disorder.
Starring: Brendan Fraser “John Crowley,” Harrison Ford “Dr. Robert Stonehill,” Keri Russell     “Aileen Crowley,” Meredith Droeger “Megan Crowley,” Diego Velazquez “Patrick Crowley,” Sam Hall “John Crowley, Jr.” Jared Harris “Dr. Kent Webber,” Patrick Bauchau “CEO Erich Loring”
Genre: Drama / Biography
Trailer

Movie Title: Easier With Practice (2009/2010, Limited Release)

Movie Title: From Paris With Love (2010)
Spoilers: No

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In From Paris with Love, John Travolta eats up his role as Charlie Wax, a loose canon U.S. operative looking to thwart an insurgent terrorist attack in Paris. Jonathan Rhys Meyers is James Reece, a low-ranking CIA agent who loves what he does as a personal assistant to the U.S. Ambassador to France, Ambassador Bennington (Richard Durden).

Reece has a beautiful, what-dreams-are-made-of French fiancé, Caroline (Kasia Smutniak). To her goes the bulk of his passion. Second to his beloved is his job, which he does well. But things become trying when Reece finds himself in the middle of an assignment he is ill-prepared to handle—and with a new partner who is practically beyond handling.

Travolta's Charlie Wax, a bald-headed, bulky clothes-wearing, goatee-sporting, racially insensitive, trigger-happy troublemaker with a big mouth and sharp moves is the only attention-getting feature in this 92 minutes of a “let god sort 'em out” shoot 'em up with a paper-thin plot. The audience never quite knows what's going on. You have to put it together as you go along while you watch the body count keep rising with nearly every scene change. Neither the French, nor the Asians are safe.

This Charlie Wax is a messy dude. He's paired up with a socially graceful Reece, who, unlike his reckless partner, has no field combat training. Wax dodges and leaps, jumps and rolls, and does other Jack Bauer-ish things...assisted with hefty help from the computer-imaging department.

What does Reece do? He tags along with a vase of cocaine, like nothing more than an idiot second set of hands—that and he stands in disbelief of everything his nutto partner does. Watch Reece start “tripping” while cruising the city, listening to a blabbermouth that you nearly wish would shut up. Such does not make for the best of viewing. Wax is a little like James Belushi in Red Heat, always with a nearly funny remark that just barely keeps from landing smack-dab in the center of Annoying County.

The action is terribly segmented in short, abrupt scenes that become choppy and tiresome. One never gets used to the blue-ish hue and poor lighting that christens practically the whole flick.

There are no principled undertones, no meat-and-potatoes messages or meanings to be picked out, just a flood of violence and garrulousness that, despite the insistence of some, doesn't quite replace what used to be called stories with substance way back when.

(JH)

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Grade: C- (2 Stars)
Rated: R (for violence and language)
Director: Pierre Morel
Summary: In Paris, a young employee in the office of the US Ambassador hooks up with an American spy looking to stop a terrorist attack in the city.
Starring: John Travolta "Charlie Wax," Jonathan Rhys Meyers "James Reece," Kasia Smutniak "Caroline," Richard Durden "Ambassador Bennington," Yin Bing "M. Wong," Amber Rose Revah "Nichole," Eric Gordon "Foreign Minister"
Genre: Action / Crime / Thriller
Trailer

Movie Title: Legion (2010)
Spoilers: Yes, and you'll be glad I did.

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If there is one thing the masses love, it is the careless tossing in of obscure bible references into movies about war and bloody conflicts. It makes them feel like they are taking part – or else learning about – some cryptic tidbit of truth from “God's Book.” Sure enough, the title of this film is found in the gospels.

There it is, in Mark 5:9: “And Jesus asked him (a possessed man), ‘What is thy name?’ And he answered, saying, ‘My name is Legion: for we are many.’” A man who gets possessed with “many devils” (Luke's account, Luke 8:30) is said to be possessed with a legion. But Jesus refers to angels the very same way in Matthew 26:53 when he refers to his being able to call “twelve legions of angels” to destroy the world.

There is little difference between the work of angels and the work of demons in scripture. An angel of God was said to have slain 185,000 Assyrian troops while they slept (2 Kings 19:32-37). The film Legion carries God’s dirty work to a whole new level.

As in the days just prior to Noah's flood, God gets really pissed at humanity...again (even though he knew beforehand that we were going to tick him off someday)...and he sends his angels to “possess” humans and tear things up while deciding whether or not to send humanity the way of the dinosaurs. Behold, Legion's plot.

But some seem to think that angels are nurturers. Isn't that why nearly every housewife you know reads books on angels? But this is the God of the Bible we're talking about. People have only made this God nice since becoming civilized themselves not very long ago. Read the scriptures. The God of the Bible is not nice, and that is the only thing the film gets right.

But we don't need biblical references to ask what we are to make of a film where granny drives her boat-shaped 1980s car into an out-of-the-way gas station/diner where nobody's happy, orders a fully rare steak (which is served to her without question or concern by the waitress), and proceeds to cuss up a storm before going on a wall-crawling killing spree. That's not ballsy or cool or creative writing. It's just insane!

So, back to the plot…God gets pissed. He wants to punish humanity. Instead of using natural disasters (like he did on the Haitians) or unleashing actual demons, the angels are sent to do what should have been the Devil’s work. But one angel rebells. He's here to help humanity, not destroy it. His name is Michael, the archangel. So God gets pissed at Michael and sends the angel Gabriel to show Michael how things are done.

While helping expendable humans kill angel-possessed humans, a de-winged Michael is trying to save an unborn child who is supposed to be humanity's redemption. The only hope for the future of the human race is a trailer park trash white woman's unborn baby. Didn't this sort of thing happen in Jerusalem 2,000 years ago if you accept the Christian mythology? The movie is senseless all the way, as if a Tennessee hillbilly read Daniel and Revelation and then decided to make a movie about it.

The acting is atrocious. Lucas “The Fast and The Furious” Black is Jeep Hanson, that man who never quite looks older than a high school kid. Black has that other quality of looking like a varsity football player who says to his girlfriend at an unwanted break-up: “NO, IT'S NOT OVER!” He looks too clueless to play a part with dignity like an angel. Thankfully, someone else realized this, and so Black plays the part of a decent young man who acts as a husband to “Charlie” (Adrianne Palicki), the woman pregnant with humanity's hope.

I never thought any role played by Dennis Quaid could be reduced to looking like a character from a ruined Saturday Night Live skit, but it happened here. Everybody in this supernatural suck-fest is as badly done as a dumbest criminals contest.

Taking the gold is the dialogue. If a Tennessee hillbilly wrote the script, a stoned seventh-grader was the brilliant editor who put the final touches on things, making sure that with Legion, the audience got possibly the worst dialogue of any major release film in the last several years.

Jumbled beneath “tough guy” stare-downs and gun-slinging shoot-outs is playful CGI work…humans sporting jagged carnivore teeth, boiling skin, elongating jaws, needless growls, and human beings “possessed” by angels who morph them into corny creepy-crawly attackers with disproportionately-sized limbs...who can still be repelled successfully by shotguns and AK-47s.

The sideline preachiness about having faith in God and the frequent use of religious clichés should by now come as a surprise to no one. Those are small things in light of the film’s many greater flaws. I'm an atheist and even I think more of the angels and the Bible than this.

(JH)

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Grade: F (0 Stars)
Rated: R (for violence and language)
Director: Scott Stewart
Summary: An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race when God loses faith in humankind.
Starring: Paul Bettany "Michael," Lucas Black "Jeep Hanson," Tyrese Gibson "Kyle Williams," Adrianne Palicki "Charlie," Charles S. Dutton "Percy Walker," Kevin Durand "Gabriel," Jon Tenney "Howard Anderson," Willa Holland "Audrey Anderson," Kate Walsh "Sandra Anderson," Dennis Quaid "Bob Hanson"
Genre: Action / Fantasy / Horror / Thriller
Trailer

Movie Title: Edge of Darkness (2010)
Spoilers: No

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Sheets of rain come down. A father longs to see his grown daughter. He meets her at the airport. It's been too long. She's smart, beautiful, and gainfully employed. Mel Gibson is veteran Boston PD detective Thomas Craven. His daughter is Emma Craven (Bojana Novakovic). She works as a research assistant, but she never talks about her work. She's been away a while. The two reunite in a film's hurried beginning.

Craven wants to know why Emma is acting so strangely. She appears to be sick. Time to make up for lost time, but then something happens. Daughter is suddenly killed. This marks the end of a hasty beginning that doesn't quite take off as gracefully as it could have.

Craven suspects that whoever killed Emma was trying to kill him and accidentally killed his daughter. But then we learn that Emma worked at a nuclear facility as a research assistant. Sick? Nuclear? Hmm. I'm no genius, but I think I see where this is going.

What transpires is a movie with a modicum of sturdy suspense and (at times) a touching story, but with a cast lacking spontaneity in the too tightly woven plot that becomes hard to follow, with its loose-end questions and eyebrow-raising moments.

Ever present throughout the film is slow soapishness that involves a mourning father reflecting back on the good years with his young daughter. They are not as moving as when Craven thinks he sees her as an adult, still walking around like she never passed. Touching at times, but tedious throughout, Edge of Darkness does not hide the hit-and-miss tug-attempts at your heartstrings.

Gibson is not that strung-out rich man from Ransom who hollered so awesomely: “Give me back my son!” Here, he speaks slowly, with a well-drawn Bostonian accent. He knows his way in and around the law. He's sharp and capable, but less interesting, lacking the visible physical or emotional characteristics that would make him more appealing.

Emma was fine china to him, but now she's gone. He should have used the time better when she was alive. What do you have to lose when your child dies? Now, he is a broken man who wants answers and will confront everyone, from senators to high-dollar lawyers to make them squirm in their seats.

Answers and justice, that's all he wants. Thomas Craven is a toned down version of The Punisher—bloodshed may or may not be necessary, but damnit, the system better work! Edge of Darkness’ Craven is a hair more believable version of Law-abiding Citizen's Clyde Shelton. Both movies contain story elements that foster a consummate defiance of belief.

Emma had a secret. Now that she's dead, dad's got to jump through hoops to find out what happened and why. It involves her being a working recluse, a suspected anti-government non-conformist, even...a terrorist? And what is it with this undying obsession in movies with nuclear arms dealers being dirty and “offing” people who blow the whistle on them? There's not a better way to spawn more investigation than to start taking people out!

Connected characters stroll in, say a few words, consent to frisks, smoke cigars, have brandy, and assure one another that they could have killed them had they wanted to. They meet with corrupt city officials in old school, posh neighborhoods and have none too few “bad guy” henchman who wear black suits and drive conspicuously black SUVs in which they travel to do their black bag business. *yawn*

Neither the story, nor a part of it is novel, but when not caught up in its congested plot, burdened down with details that drive a hard bargain for believability, it offers a mild to moderate payoff as a touching drama and entertaining picture.

(JH)

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Grade: C+ (2½ Stars)
Rated: R (for language and violence)
Director:
Summary: A Boston police detective seeks to find his daughter’s killer.
Starring: Mel Gibson “Thomas Craven,” Ray Winstone “Jedburgh,” Danny Huston “Jack Bennett,” Bojana Novakovic “Emma Craven,” Shawn Roberts “Burnham,” David Aaron Baker “Millroy,” Jay O. Sanders “Whitehouse,” Denis O'Hare “Moore”
Genre: Action / Drama / Crime / Thriller
Trailer

Movie Title: Tooth Fairy (2010)
Spoilers: No

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The sight of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson wearing tights has, say, 3 seconds of comedic visual appeal. After those three seconds are up, seeing a 6’5 man dressed in a fairy outfit (as though to make third-graders laugh) is…well…not funny anymore.

Seeing Tooth Fairy, featuring that most intellectual of wrestlers named Johnson is all about taking in the sight of a tall, muscular man with the curiously charismatic ability to raise an eyebrow a bit more than your average fellow. The camera hits him from every angle. Ordinarily, he’s something to see, but…not like this. None of his actions or words are spectacular enough to take the focus off of the fact that what you are watching is, as stated, a man in a fairy outfit that was funny seeing for the first three seconds only.

Johnson plays Derek Thompson, a.k.a. “The Tooth Fairy,” a smug, unsympathetic, unhappy, and imaginatively bankrupt pro hockey player who has seen better days. He’s still driving his ‘84 Vette, which he probably bought new. That year of Corvette was plagued with problems, more so than any other year, so it’s a good comparison to Thompson, a guy fraught with problems.

His nickname comes from his brutalizing players from the opposing teams on the ice, making them lose their teeth. He keeps a seat warm in every penalty box in America. It’s been years since he’s actually strategized to win a fair-on game. Accordingly, his team captain uses him to do just what he loves to do—the “dirty work” to give the good players the edge they need.

Thompson has another problem; he discourages the gleeful ambitions of his young fans, many of them little kids who dream of one day becoming great. He spares them not but points out how for every 13-year-old kid trying to be good at something, some 12-year-old is out there somewhere and is going to be trying even hard, or maybe that kid just has more raw talent and gets the edge. The message: Don’t dream. The bigger the dreamer you are, the bigger the disappointed loser you will become!

In some lofty meeting room in the supernatural realm, where the coffee is always fresh and the gods are busy letting Haitian-level disasters go on unabated, it is decided that Derek needs to be taught a lesson. As it happens, Thompson has a girlfriend, Carly (Ashley Judd). He tries to tell her little girl that the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist. What better than to charge him with “a crime against fantasy,” give him wings, put him in a ridiculous tutu, and make him do two weeks of tooth fairy duty? Sounds like a plan. Heaven is concerned with giving American children dollar bills when they lose teeth. Forget the dying Ethiopians who need the real help.

The head fairy, well played by a fresh-looking Julie Andrews (who still looks enchanting after all these years), ushers a disappointed Thompson into her fairy office and sees to it that he does his job. When he’s hooked up with “fairy gear,” he’s ready. The audience isn’t.

It is from this point that you get to see Thompson shrink down and dodge cat claws, throw “forget dust” in people’s faces, and otherwise fumble around in strangers’ homes in a most embarrassing and dignity-lacking manner.

Thompson meets some good friends, one of them is Tracy (Stephen Merchant), a 6’7 fairy with “no wing complex,” who happens to be a spitting image of the cool euro-gay guy who works in accounts payable at your office. Family Guy/American Dad/The Cleveland Show creator Seth MacFarlane makes an appearance as Ziggy, a “junkie” fairy, selling the “smack” equivalent of tools for the job. A woefully curt appearance by Billy Crystal as fairy “Lawrence” doesn’t do much to advance the plot.

The only halfway redeeming quality in this unconvincing execution of a story is the relationship that develops between Thompson and Carly’s son, Randy (Chase Ellison), an aspiring guitar playing prodigy who, it could be argued, stole the show with awesome acting and a crying scene towards the end that is among the best I’ve ever seen.

Here we are at that point in the review where we are led to mention (in light of other lacking accomplishments) how the movie has such “a good message.” It may have, but it has nothing beyond an After School Special level of development that leaves those of us who are not still in grade school without much to work with. Schmaltzy and unsatisfying, there won’t be too many waiting in line for this meal.

(JH)

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Grade: C- (2 Stars)
Rated: PG (for mild language and sports action)
Director: Michael Lembeck
Summary: A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player results in him having to serve as a real-life tooth fairy.
Starring: Dwayne Johnson “Derek Thompson / Tooth Fairy,” Ashley Judd “Carly,” Stephen Merchant “Tracy,” Ryan Sheckler “Mick Donnelly,” Seth MacFarlane “Ziggy,” Julie Andrews “Lily,” Chase Ellison “Randy,” Destiny Whitlock “Tess”
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy / Family
Trailer

Movie Title: The Spy Next Door (2010)
Spoilers: No

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The Spy Next Door stars Jackie Chan and Amber Villetta (“Paula” from The Family Man, 2000) in a James Bond-meets-Uncle Buck-meets-The Pacifier-style movie about Bob Ho, a Chinese spy on loan to the CIA, who wants to retire and become an ordinary family man. Ho (Chan) lives next door to Gillian (Villetta). The two want to take their relationship to the next level, if only her kids would permit it.

Bob brings down his last power-hungry dictator, and now it’s time to win over next door’s kids and settle down. Surely, it will be easier than bringing down the corrupt? Not so…especially not if the dictator you thought was down escapes prison and is coming back to get you and the family you want to settle down with. But the predictable challenge of a bad guy coming back for revenge isn’t the only challenge. Despite his training in 007-style weaponry, Ho can’t put out grease fires or even make oatmeal without mishaps.

The kids are a handful. There’s Farren (Madeline Carroll), Ian (Will Shadley), and Nora (Alina Foley). Farren is withdrawn, Ian is a chronic liar that bullies use for a punching bad, and Nora is the little one who gets lost in crowds as soon as you turn your head. But I say hats off to having kids that at least look like the next door neighbor’s kids.

There is something inherently cool about a film with the term “spy” in the title, or so you would think. But lest you worry about confusing The Spy Next Door with The Spy Who Loved Me, let me remind you that you won’t. This spy movie begins with a pig running across the house, the alarm clock “snooze” button being slapped down, kids dancing on their mothers bed near her head to wake her up, and kids that talk about cyborgs sent from the future to save humanity (like only kids in movies are taught to talk).

Let no cliché remain unturned. The bad guys give each other "high fives" when they are successful, kids complain about cats stuck on rooftops, and they don’t complain when the Russians charge into their backyards to fight them, and on many occasions, can outfight their much bigger Russian attackers.

Ho and his right-hand man, Colton James (Billy Ray Cyrus), are an odd team. Why the government needs to rent a Chinese Secret Service Agent is…puzzling…and Cyrus’ character Colton? Well, if anyone like him is running a country, that country is soon to go down the tubes. You play darts with Colton. You drive to the lake and bring your ice chest with Colton. You pound down brewskies at the local Honky Tonk hall with Colton, but you don’t share classified files with him.

Despite it all, The Spy Next Door was hard to fully dislike. The disarming likeableness of Jackie Chan is the life of any party. One Chan character is the same as any other, like our favorite Austrian Oak-turned-governor of California, Arnie. But it remains true that Chan was way cooler punching and kicking thugs to the accompanying sound of boards being slapped together in the 1970s and 80s than he is here.

Among the movie’s more disturbing scenes is one of Chan wrestling down a four-year-old Nora to put pants on her. If that’s not creepy enough, he puts the same girl to sleep in 30 seconds by singing a Chinese lullaby.

The bad guys are the Russians. Their leader, Poldark (Magnus Scheving, deduct one point for using one of the worst villain names ever), wants to destroy all the oil in the world (not resell it, just destroy it). He finds the formula for a chemical which makes that possible. His style-challenged goons look more like Americans posing as Russians than Russians, and in such a way as to stand out from any crowd they’re in. It appears that Russian mobsters don’t have a word for “mingle.” They also send 17-year-old recruits to America to do some of their dirty work.

If the free-flowing, fast-footed energy of Jackie Chan can't save this, how about George Lopez or Billy Ray Cyrus? Nobody can act, and nobody acts...like this, not the stars, and not the bullies at school. Well, Lopez can play a good bad guy. I’ll give him that. He has the adversarial personality for it.

The Spy Next Door is an endearing story wrapped in an awfully-packaged movie. It will take a very young audience to appreciate it even a little. The only thing the parents will appreciate is Ho using his secret agent gadgets to keep the kids from sneaking out and getting cans of soda from the kitchen into their bedrooms. But for the record, the best part of the movie is the opening credits where Chan is waxing cool to the tune of “Secret Agent Man,” that irresistible song by Steve Barri and P.F. Sloan, performed by Johnny Rivers.

(JH)

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Grade: D- (one star)
Rated: PG (for mild perilous situations)
Director: Brian Levant
Summary: Former CIA spy Bob Ho (Chan) takes on his toughest assignment to date--looking after his girlfriend's three kids.
Starring: Jackie Chan “Bob Ho,” Amber Valletta “Gillian,” Madeline Carroll “Farren,” Will Shadley “Ian,“ Alina Foley “Nora,” George Lopez "Glaze," Billy Ray Cyrus "Colton James," Catherine Boecher "Creel"
Genre: Action / Romance / Comedy
Trailer

Movie Title: Leap Year (2010)
Spoilers: No

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Leap Year stars Amy Adams and Matthew Goode in a reaching romantic comedy that comes a day late and a dollar short of looking as good as the scenes we get of a pleasant Irish countryside. Jeremy (Adam Scott) is a cardiologist with a jam-packed schedule. Anna Brady (Adams) is a stager, someone who helps realtors sell houses by making them more presentable. Together, they deem themselves the couple made for each other, ready to live the life everyone wants to live.

But they aren’t quite the match made in heaven--and you knew that even before your eyes finished the previous sentence. There’s something missing in the relationship, something missing from one of their lives. Can you guess which one? Of course, you can. And if you've seen the trailer, you've seen the movie.

Jeremy is taking too long to ask her to marry him, and based on an old Irish tradition that goes back hundreds of years, which allows a woman to ask a man to marry her on a Leap Year, Anna gets it in her head to fly to Ireland where her boyfriend is on business and pop the question to him (you already know where this is heading). There, she meets Declan (Matthew Goode), an obstinate outspoken charmer not unlike herself.

That is all you need to know to see that Anna is yet another yawn-worthy creation of an attractive, tasteful, fashion-obsessed, smart chick who is still, in some small way, waiting to be swept off her feet by a ridiculously clichéd “knight in shining armor.” Anna very closely resembles Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fischer) from Confessions of a Shopaholic. Apparently, women the world over really do connect with this type of classy chick--always wanting to be surprised by their man while claiming not to like surprises.

Adams’ character may not be unique, but she and The Fabulously Fierce Fashionista would have much to talk about…so would all women. Ok, fine! Keep looking for your damn knight in shining armor, ladies! You’re not going to stop because I say so.

The problem is, Leap Year doesn’t generate that much good gab. It’s not novel, and it’s definitely not funny. The painfully improbable predicaments that Anna finds herself in are as set up as a mall kiosk. Declan and Anna are both brainy and headstrong, but neither know what they want. As in every robbed-by-time romance flick, they have to find it out by a sucky series of circumstances, and we have to watch as things crawl toward their inevitably contrived conclusion. As when at the dentist, that makes some of us gag. On the positive side, the film has one thing going for it--it’s admirable star leads.

An all-too-brief appearance by John Lithgow as Anna’s father at the film’s beginning is one of the high points (and proof that Lithgow - all by himself - can brighten up any set, no matter how bleak things look due to the writing). And things do look bleak for Leap Year. The cruddy slapstick and non-screen-friendly cast of supporting role performers take their toll as they follow a script that makes time go by like the dripping of molasses.

Delivering it from total value annihilation is a faint glimmer of touching grace. Buried deep beneath the surface lies some small hope. Goode and Adams can act and have a physical on-screen connection that staves off the downpour of a tsunami’s worth of plain writing and unoriginal source material. But be ye warned; braving the elements of a too long romance is a gamble to which you may or may not find a payoff! Despite the rains, the aquifer of emotional depth is not filled to capacity. Only hopeless romantics, please.

(JH)

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Grade: C- (2 stars)
Rated: PG
Director: Anand Tucker
Summary: A woman prepares to propose to her boyfriend on a Leap Year in keeping with an Irish tradition.
Starring: Amy Adams “Anna Brady,” Matthew Goode “Declan,” Adam Scott “Jeremy,” John Lithgow “Jack Brady,” Noel O'Donovan “Seamus,” Tony Rohr “Frank,” Pat Laffan “Donal”
Genre: Romance / Comedy
Trailer

Below is the video review of The Book of Eli (2010)

Movie Title: 44-inch Chest (2009/2010, U.S. release)
Spoilers: No

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Colin Diamond (Ray Winstone) has some very good friends. When his wife, Liz (Joanne Whalley), confesses that she’s done with the marriage and wants out, his loyal friends kidnap the “other” guy to help their friend feel better and have the opportunity for a most excruciating, skin-pealing revenge.

It has been said that if you have five good friends in your lifetime, then you should count yourself lucky because you are doing well. Colin has at least four good friends, but I still say he’s gosh-darn ahead of the most of us. Archie (Tom Wilkinson) is an honest man who seems normal enough. He cooks dinner and he spends a great deal of time with mom, or “Mum.” (Edna Doré).

Meredith (Ian McShane) is a man who can gamble, and he has tremendous class. He loves his men that way, too. And, he looks good going anywhere. Hal (Stephen Dillane), well, he’s a little harder to describe. He’s just a friend helping out another friend. You get the impression that he can be an annoying gnat of a human being some of the time, but he’s still a friend.

Old Man Peanut (John Hurt) is the most brazen character among them. You don’t want to get him riled up. He may wear dentures, but he can verbally bite. And with the exception of Liz, everyone in this misogynistic make of a movie can curse up a storm—with a cult-like love for that word that women just love to hear used to describe their feminine region, the “c” word.

The English are just as big on hard drinks and cigarettes as any, especially in grief. Colin and the gang are drinking down bottles of hooch. The main man does so with an apparent-but-not-actual disregard for the strength of the substance that is supposed to kill his pain. In the end, only one thing will kill his pain. He has his mind set on that.

Loverboy (Melvil Poupaud) has been kidnapped and taken to a somewhat run-down building, to some place you’d expect to see in a 70s presentation of an old-style, once-fancy pad in New York City. It’s a bad day for Colin, but an especially bad day awaits one good-looking kid who foolishly crossed into the city limits of Payback-opolis.

Today’s a big day for Loverboy. Today he will learn more than he cared to know about intimacy. It takes much less than love to “get you off,” but love itself is what can get you killed (or make you wish you were deader than dead). One of the most memorable lines in the film begins with Colin’s one-on-one interrogation: “I bet she’s never farted in front of you, has she? Has she? No. That’s not romantic.”

44 Inch Chest is a broadside description for this chesty and well-acted English drama with its carefully constructed conclaves of comedy that are just strong enough to lighten the mood without damaging the suspense. The brief moments with the disorienting quality of a late-1980s cologne commercial are not as much flaws as they are bonus additions in the name of comic relief.

The coming and going drop-offs of eerie music and the riveting moments of tension that give way to lighthearted humor give this 90+ minute film of anger, imagery, and dry English comedy an unexpected – if profane – appeal.

(JH)

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Grade: B+ (3 ½ stars) Recommended!
Rated: R (for violence and language)
Director: Malcomb Venville
Summary: A jealous husband and his friends kidnap his wife's lover and plot to extract revenge.
Starring: Ray Winstone “Colin Diamond,” John Hurt “Old Man Peanut,” Ian McShane “Meredith,” Tom Wilkinson “Archie,” Joanne Whalley “Liz,” Dave Legeno “Brighton Billy”
Genre: Drama
Trailer

Looking back on 2009, one sees a very bland year. So much was not good. So much more was just ordinary at best.

On the stinker’s list are the following…

All About Steve (D-) An unlikably ditzy and undeserving romantic comedy that is fit for the dunghill.

Couples Retreat (D+) Wasn't quite as bad as it was made out to be by some, but you'll "retreat" from watching this soon enough!

Dragonball: Evolution (F) A miserable adaption of the corny Japanese Dragonball animated action show.

Gamer (F) Disgusting and repulsive to the core, Gamer doesn't play games when it comes to making you regret watching it.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (D-) An actionpacked and air-headed adventure of annoyance and a poor story.

Knowing (D-) A stereotypical Hollywood slandering of atheists with a hazy, end-times plot that deserves repudiating.

Land of the Lost (D-) Another really, really, really bad Will Ferrill movie.

Love Happens (F) Sappy, melodramatic, cliched, and repulsive all in one.

Old Dogs (F) (no review available) A movie so stupid, witless, and intelligence-insulting that it can only hope to successfully entertain three-year-olds.

The Final Destination IV (D-) More of the same hollow horror crap.

The Ugly Truth (D+) A dumb and trashy romantic comedy that is more insulting than anything else.

The Unborn (D-) A miserably weak and non-thought-out horror film that, well, just sucks.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (F) Noisy, clangy, stupid, and mindless, just like the 2007 Transformers, but worse.

Whiteout (D-) Nice Antarctic scenery, but nothing else.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (D+)An insult to the X-men series.

The Must-sees are…

Avatar (A-) An excellent and visually pleasing film from the brilliant mind of James Cameron.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (B+) Wonderfully creative and delightfully imaginative.

District 9 (A+) Very disturbing, but one of the best Sci-fi works in quite a while.

Extract (B+) Cute and funny in a relaxing way.

I Love You, Man! (A-) Dirty, but moving and funny.

Inglourious Basterds (A-) Clever Taurantino writing at it again!

Mr. Fantastic Fox (no review available) An excellent film on so many levels.

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire (A+) So moving and powerful that you've got to see it!

Public Enemies (B+) An incredible film with Johnny Depp as John Dilinger.

State of Play (A-) Russell Crowe plays a journalist who brings down corruption in this better-than-good movie.

The Blindside (B+) A wonderful family film.

The Invention of Lying (A-) A hilarious and funny (if humanist) take on a world wherein only one man can lie.

Up (A+) Pixar does it again!

Watchmen (A+) The best comic book movie ever!

And, alas, my picks for the best and worst of 2009…

The Best: Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire (A+) This powerfully moving film blows the socks off this year’s competition with it’s tear-jerking and terribly (and I do mean “terribly”) life-like portrayal of the sad life of an illiterate, obese inner-city girl named Precious whose father gives her two children by rape and whose mother blames her daughter for stealing her husband. Mon’ique, Mariah Carey, and Gabourey “Gabby” Sidibe star in a movie that is too much for most to handle—and what the rest of us don’t want to handle.

The Worst: Love Happens (F) This melodramatic flop is the bonafide worst of the worst movie this year, but I’m far from the only one to call it out as a terrible barf-fest of “blahhhhhhhh.” This waste of tape, starring Jennifer Aniston and Aaron Eckhart, could be (no, it is) one of the worst films of recent years.

(JH)